Gaga for Amsterdam

Ever been to a place and just thought, “Wow, it’s exactly what I thought it’d be like”? It’s kinda like going to the Ekka and realising it’s the same shit every single year. Well, that’s Amsterdam. The land of plenty. Plenty of prostitutes and cannibis, surprise surprise. Because of Amsterdam’s infamous reputation, I guess I wasn’t that overwhelmed by having to breathe in second-hand marijuana literally almost everywhere I went. In fact, the place is so wonderfully seedy that I felt like I was breathing in flying STDS as well. Gross, hey.

That place is my baby and I would prostitute myself for it

Yah, what did I get up to? I fit so much into the 3 days I was there that this blog could possibly be the longest, most boring, tedious read ever. So I’ll attempt to keep it short and sweet.

Arriving Friday night, Jessalyn and Koen took me out to downtown and we dined at a Columbian restaurant. Oh actually, I have a short story that I probably need to tell you of.

I had booked my flight to Amsterdam about a month ago to visit Jess and go to the Lady Gaga concert with her. Turns out that it was a long weekend in Germany and most of us Darmstadt leute decided to head to Amsterdam for some psychedelic fun. So it was a nice coincidence. Anyway back to the story.

The love birds

So after dinner, we met up with a few familiar Darmstadt faces and enjoyed “cake and tea” at one of those, ahem, coffee shops. Don’t interpret that wrong, it really was a coffee shop and the snacks were untampered. It’s just, well more or less, “Would you like a joint with that tea?” Although its stereotypically something you just do in Amsterdam, I remained responsible *coughmorelikelame*. So papa don’t preach, I didn’t smoke or try anything whacky.

As rank as it looks

Afterwards we decided to go check out the red light district, naturally. It is seriously the epitome of seedy. The “shops” are indeed lit up with red lights. And within the windows are spaces of about 1sqm. And within the 1sqm stands a scantily clad female - dancing and beckoning horny men into their backrooms and backd… ha, no I won’t. So every so often you see these men, whom usually foreign and old, step in and out of these windows. And it’s just completely normal. How abnormal.

Red light at night to everyone's delight

Lobo dared me to go up to one of the ladies in the window and start dancing seductively whilst licking my lips. And I did it. Bloody tourists. Time for boogying til 4 in the morn, wahoo!

A weed is no more than a flower in disguise

Oh by the way, all the rubbish collectors in Amsterdam were on strike while I was there. Take a look at the rubbish on the street.. yummy!

Good gracious! What rubbish!

Saturday morning Jessalyn and I decided to take on all-you-can-eat sushi as a personal challenge. The food was amazing. The price was amazing. Our ability to eat the whole restaurant out - amazing.

Eating sushi has become the new Russian Roulette

Now, I feel completely seedy but also completely lame at the same time telling you this, but we went to the Sex Museum. It was just like one big sex theme park crossed with an extensive porn collection. It was disturbing -- my soul has been tainted.

The brain is not an organ of sex

Okay now here comes the highlight of the entire trip.. LADY GAGA! One word: Sllabezama!

I want your everything as long as its free

Sunday saw Jess and I join the Amsterdam free tour, which turned out to be a lot more entertaining and interesting than we had thought. I won’t go into any history but would like to draw your attention to the two following pictures. The first is of a piss deflector which prevents drunken men from pissing on older historic buildings (through the hilarious means of back splash) and then to picture two which is of a random boob in the ground which no one knows who put it there or how it got there.

No great genius has ever existed without a touch of madness

Oh and that day, we visited the Keukenhof which is like a botanical garden just for tulips. It was Russian themed so it was somewhat interesting. Uneventful, but it was beautiful, there's no doubt about it.

Tulips aren't flowers, they're some kind of gay onion.

Okay so I think I’m gonna cut this blog off abruptly. I’ll finish it off in the next entry because the journey back to Darmstadt needs its own entry, you’ll see why.