Schloss Grab My WHAT?!

SCHLOSSGRABENFEST

Schloss = Castle. Graben = Moat. Fest = Festival.

Kick starting 10 years ago, the Schlossgrabenfest has slowly but surely become Hessen's biggest music festival. Every year during the last weekend in May, Darmstadt is packed with around 500,000 music fans, and the festival dominates life in the city for four long days. Welcome to Darmstadt's annual (and totally free!) Castle Moat Festival!

"The crowd makes the ballgame."

My neighbour Marieke's Birthday happened to fall on the Saturday night of the epic 4 day bender, and so it gave us a chance to misbehave just that little bit more than usual. And I guess the misbehaviour began with our penis card.

*Will not insert inappropriate caption*

Stefan, Clara and I put on our thinking caps and thought real hard about this card, and man we were so pleased with the outcome! Out.. come.. ha. ha. ha. Anyway it eventuated much like so:

Cat: Lets make a pop-up card! What object should we make pop out? A heart? A cake?

Stefan: A penis!

Clara: Oooohhhh Stefan!!!

Cat: Wait, it's not a bad idea! It'll be really funny! Here, draw a penis on this piece of paper and I'll cut it out.

*Stefan draws several doodles to make sure we have the perfect one, inclusive of testicles and pubic hairs. And condom.*

Cat: Now what do we write in it?

*Group giggles at all our inappropriate suggestions.*

Clara and Stefan: Okay, we've got it. Well we need to say something on the card telling her that her present is coming in the mail or she'll think we didn't get her anything. So what about this? [In german, front page] Here's a coupon for a "very special" present that's coming in the mail... [inside card] For now, you can play with this!

And yes, she immediately thought that she was going to receive a dildo in the post. But no, we're not that bad. We ended up getting her a Mario Kart game instead so we can rock it out on Nintendo! Anyway after the card giving, we went loco on the tequila shots.. but of course.

"When life hands you lemons - break out the tequila and salt."

Finally making it out to the Schlossgrabenfest (still find it really cool that it was completely free!), naturally, we lost each other, ate "ekka" food, joined the moshpit, got our feet trampled on, suffocate in bad body odour, ate candy, drank beer.. naturally!

"Those who danced are thought to be quite insane by those who cannot hear the music."

Really great thing, this Schlossgrabenfest, you know?

"It's a funny story. It's not a self-aggrandising one."

Boozy Woozies in Frankfurt

"Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me."

Some, ahem 2 months ago, it was Ines' and Carlos' Birthday and a group of us decided to swing out to Frankfurt to celebrate - "something different for a change". Yes, it was indeed different. On so many levels. On a "I will never get that drunk again, no I meant it, no this time I REALLY mean it" - kind of level. Actually, wait, that's not anything different... anyway.

The story starts with a trouble-free train ride out to Frankfurt. Once at Frankfurt, we realised that no one had taken the initiative in google-mapping the address of the restaurant (in fact, we didn't even have the address at all, go team) to which we had made a reservation at. So after walking a marathon around the city and asking almost every pedestrian we came across - success! We finally found it! Well no, no we hadn't. We found another restaurant from the same chain but at this hour of the night, it'll just have to do.

"He was the food bank. We're all still in a state of shock."

Ines had organised for the group to go to one of the best clubs here called Cocoon. Completely to no bafflement whatsoever, we were yet again, left directionless. What we weren't left without however my friends, were about 7 or so 2 litre bottles of rum and colas, vodka and sprites and well God knows what else. Someone had actually taken along some paper cups as well - how German is that? You decide to be a dirty cheap drunk by mixing drinks and pouring them into used soft drink bottles - but please, at least be an efficient drunk. Needless to say, the journey to Cocoon was not by any means a drag. It went something like:

• Catch a train to this station
• Missed our stop
• Caught the train back
• Missed the stop again
• Jumped on another line going completely the wrong way
• Getting off at a random station
• Get pissed off at each other
• Jump in cabs
• Have the cardinal drunken conversation
• Pissed off the driver

"The trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun."

Oh and sometime between all that, Joao had scaled the tallest bridge in Frankfurt (sloshed) without killing himself, bravo dear.

"Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles."

After getting dropped off/kicked out of the cab by the taxi driver we all stumbled into Cocoon. Thank God for pre-ordering tickets, there would have been no way we would've been let in in this state.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance."

Oh, and after about 5 minutes of dancing, Joao and I took a snooze slash kinda passed out on some comfy chairs in the club. Twenty euros well spent, I say.

Slam Your Barbecue Down and Weiners All Around

"I bring to my life a certain amount of mess".

If you know me well enough, you'll know that I am the most uncoordinated person to walk this Earth. Although I've lived nearly 22 years in this body, I'm still not use to all its dimensions and still manage to be.. awkward. I place cups a little too forcefully on tables, I miss steps on the staircase, I constantly knock things over and I'm just overall clumsy in every single way. Don't you think it's almost un-asian of me?

Please, don't learn safety rules simply by accident.

I feel like I've almost replaced every single piece of crockery in my kitchen. I've had to buy two new bowls, a measuring cup, a boiling pot, and a glass.

“There are no accidents. God's just trying to remain anonymous.”

Actually the other day, one of the worst of them happened. I walked into the bathroom and, well, kind of just threw the door open. The door them bumped into Stefan's toiletries shelf a little too turbulently and down came tumbling his cologne bottle. BAAAAAAAM!!!

"They're funny things, accidents. You never have them till you're having them."

".... Stefan, you're gonna hate me!", I yell out to him.

"Oh no Cat, what did you do?"

"Uhm.." *Breathe in, breathe out* "I may just have knocked over your cologne bottle.... sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!"

"Ohhh Cat. It's okay. Our bathroom stinks now though. Pew!"

So that was that. The next day I felt so bad about it that I went to Douglas (something like our 'David Jones') and tried on every single male cologne I could find to see which one smelt a lot like the one I slaughtered but couldn't recognise it at all - probably due to the fact that I was just drenched in 30 or so different smells by now but nevertheless, unsuccessful. I decided to get him David Beckham's 'Signature', which I'm just CRAZY about. Boys, I highly recommend it!

Break, I mean Bend it like Beckham.

The most impressive of all my heavy-handedness occurred at Gamze's Birthday BBQ. Usually I don't feel embarrassed when these things happen but this was an exception. In other words, this accident was on a grand scale - even for me.

Barbecues here in Germany aren't like the ones we have at home. They're either really small coal fire ones or an electric plate. So for Gamze's birthday they had set up an electric grill which means that there were cords lying around on the floor. And I think you guys can all guess as to what happened next. Me and my clumsy foot, tripped over the cord and sent sausages and meat flying in the air and eventually laying rest on the balcony floor. Sigh.

There are 3 things that made this worse than it sounds:

• Everyone was to bring their own meat, and so if your meat happened to be on the plate when I knocked it over, you were to starve for the afternoon;
• The meats were almost done and everyone had waited so painstakingly long in hunger; and
• I didn't even know anyone there besides Gamze and Johnny and their partners.

Needless to say, I left soon after.

Gamze, I hope your Birthday was 'Happy' anyway!

The Brightest of Darmstadt

"We are getting fresh intelligence the entire time."

In preparation for tomorrow's Water Management exam...

[21/06/10 1:23:50 PM] Luiz Lobo: Hey, did u got the mail from Tom about the test and the material?

[21/06/10 1:31:54 PM] Catherine Pham: Yeah I did... that sucks.

[21/06/10 1:32:16 PM] Luiz Lobo: What's a WFD?!

[21/06/10 1:32:57 PM] Catherine Pham: WFD's are just a list of substances that are prioritised in the new Directive.

[21/06/10 1:33:06 PM] Luiz Lobo: I know... but..

[21/06/10 1:33:12 PM] Catherine Pham: I have no idea what WFD stands for.

[21/06/10 1:33:12 PM] Luiz Lobo: Everytime I read WFD on the slides, I think of something bad, like STFU... or WTF.. or GFY. Can it mean What F**k Dude?! or Water F**king Deep? ...Wooow Friggin Doodles?

[21/06/10 1:35:35 PM] Catherine Pham: Water Fondling Doodles!

[21/06/10 1:35:48 PM] Catherine Pham: Personally, I think we're right. I'll be putting that in the test.

[21/06/10 1:36:33 PM] Luiz Lobo: Well if he just asks what WFD stands for, we can say those. I mean, depending on the context it can actually mean this.

[21/06/10 1:36:43 PM] Catherine Pham: That's true. For example: "WFD stands for What (the) F**k Dude? As in, what the f**k are you doing to our water dude? You know that those substances are f**king banned under Directive 74/767/EEC."

[21/06/10 1:37:46 PM] Catherine Pham: Perfect 10/10

[21/06/10 1:38:05 PM] Luiz Lobo: or "WFD stands for Watch For Doodles. As in, nude zones in some water bodies where old dudes go wiggle their things."

[21/06/10 1:39:43 PM] Catherine Pham: We're totally gonna pass.

[21/06/10 1:41:08 PM] Luiz Lobo: Oh well.. short pause on the "studies" for the Portugal game.

Prague is the Paris of the 90's

I hate myself. Leaving this thing untouched for so long was a horrible idea. There was too much self-pressure to keep this thing updated and it was avalanching on top of me, almost to the point where I wanted to abandon ship! But here I am again. Why? I need to have something relatively intellectual to occupy myself with because annoying my housemates when they have an exam tomorrow is so very bad of me. Anyway, I think theres a minority out there who reads my crap so it's not a complete waste of time. So now, I must write about something that happened 53 days ago (don't hurt me!) and it's going to fry my already fried brain.

Yes, some 55 days ago I hear Miguel, Andor and Pancho talking about a road trip that they will embark into the Czech Republic within the next few days. "Aw, I wanna go to Prague!", I whined. "Then come!". The rest was history, so they say.

"Are we theeere yeeeeet?", "Cat shut the hell up".

A few hours into our car trip over the borders to East Europe, I wake up and find that it's getting dark outside and we've pulled up into a petrol station. "What's going on guys?", I ask in a semi-conscious daze. "We're lost".

"How many Mexicans does it take to read a map?"

Miraculously, some 7 hours later of back-tracking, navigating, arguing and having our iPod re-loop itself 3 times over, we finally made it to the city centre. Parking our car in the closest parking lot we could find, we started our mission of finding some cheap and available accommodation. Can I just say.. my God is Prague beautiful by night.

"People don't like the true and simple; they like fairy tales and humbug".

The clock neared midnight and we hadn't found any availabilities whatsoever. Sheisse. I had the idea of driving a little further out and seeking some beds outside the city centre but the boys couldn't be bothered and in the end, they convinced me that the seat of a car was indeed, a perfectly suitable bed. Parking our car under the famous Charles Bridge, I folded down my chair and uhm, almost broke my back trying to get some shut eye.

Never again.

The next morning we woke up early and decided to take part in the free tours offered to a few selected cities of Europe. These tours have always been quite good so despite feeling dirty from last nights episode, I was pumped for the city walk!

"A lot of people would rather tour sewers than visit their cousins."

First destination: The Astronomical Clock in Prague. Now this clock is special kids. Mounted on the Old Town City Hall, the clock has three main components: the astronomical dial which represents the Sun and Moon in the sky, the "Walk of the Apostles" which shows hourly figures of the Apostles and finally the Calendar dial with medallions representing months of the year. The best part, and possibly what draws the herds of tourists to this clock, is that it announces every hour with 12 apostles (moving statues) passing by a window above the clock and a chicken/crow/whatever which marks this hour by belting out a horrible sound. Actually, I can't really tell you what's so fantastic about it in all seriousness, but it's pretty looking!

"A watched clock never tells the time".

So the tour went on - I don't want to say uneventfully but it was any ordinary tour.. visit this, visit that. By no means did that mean that there was nothing to see. Prague is simply amazing. My friend best described it by saying that it was "such a fairy tale city".

"Eastern Europe has been really trendy".

I'm assuming you guys have all seen Eurotrip right? Well the whole thing was filmed here in Prague! So there really isn't anywhere in this city which could ever be boring. I mean, look at this dementor looking thing below.. just fascinating.

"It's not in the nature of a dementor to be forgiving".

Uhm, I'm not too sure about what to write here.. so uhh.. hey look pretty pictures!

"Look - I'm not an intellectual. I just take photos".

Following a very VERY decent sleep the next day (at student dormitories - Miguel had some friends living in Prague who we couldn't get in touch with the previous day), we woke up super late in the afternoon and pretty much wasted our last day in Prague - though may I add, the sleep was much needed. We agreed that the one thing we needed to visit before returning back to Darmstadt was the famous "Kid of Prague" within the Our Lady of Victory Church.

Having driven around the "general" area of the Church for some time in search of this kid, we finally decided to ask the police for directions.

"Good day, do you know where the Kid of Prague is?"

"Uhh.. the what?!"

"The Kid of Prague."

"Do you mean Child Jesus?"

*The Kid of Prague is actually Baby Jesus?! Good one Miguel!*

"....yes."

Infant Jesus of Prague: Many people who have prayed to God before the statue have had their prayers answered in miraculous and unusual ways.

After attending a mass ceremony, we headed home. The boys were sad to leave Prague, not for the city itself but in fact because of the women of Prague. Perverts. But okay yes, I admit, they really do breed supermodels there.

"Prague has some tip-top models. Any more top and they'd tip."

Oh did I say that we headed home? Due to our delightful GPS system, we in fact headed into the woods, so back-tracked to Prague, but then into some farms, again back-tracking to Prague, then into a construction site, again, back-tracking to Prague. It was a miracle that after all that, we found ourselves cruising along the correct highway home.

The car got so much ass that weekend ;-)

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."